the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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