a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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