with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Operation Purity has been aborted
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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