my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
