4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
