Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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