I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ok first of all what the fuck
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
