i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
