are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
