The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
