I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
