I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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