I have demons in me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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