I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
