Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
