I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
