Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
