Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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