We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
