when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
