I think I died a long time ago.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone came in the potted fern
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
