Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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