im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
