All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
