Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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