How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
