I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
