My friends, they love my intelligence
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
