A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
