I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
