So drunk its hurt
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
