The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
