you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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