Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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