Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
