The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
