Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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