i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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