We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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