At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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