there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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