I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
