dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
