My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sorry about my life...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
