how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
