I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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