I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
