You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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