you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
