There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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