I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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